Rejection

Rejection.
How very
therapeutic.
Pint of
ice cream
resting on my belly,
spoonfuls
of self-love
and social
anxiety.
How very
high society.
Netflix
and
a bowl of
disappointment.
I eat
pills to stay
borderline
happy,
boredom
and caffeine,
the daily
ritual
of self-destruction.
Second Avenue
so much
fucking
construction.

Osamu Yokonami / @osamuyokonami

I read an article on Rejection Therapy. The idea is that you should put yourself in a position to be rejected on a daily basis. The objectives are to be aware of how social fears control and restrict our lives, learn from and enjoy rejection, and permit yourself to fail. 

Last year my confidence was at its lowest point, due to new situations, social anxiety, fear of failure, and negative body image. Then I came across this article on Refinery29. I started to change my perspective of rejection, in a way that would allow me to be free from anxiety. A large part of this was focusing on the present and not anticipating the outcomes of the future. 

And so as I go on one blind date after another, I struggle to think of rejection in a positive way. To be in control of the experience and my emotions. I have realized that I do not need validation from anyone else (although my initial reaction is not always so sane). And in the rejection, I burn the twigs of the unworthy. It is okay to be critical. And in the decision making, I become powerful. I have the power to choose. 

---

Things are sweeter when they're lost. I know—because once I wanted something and got it. It was the only thing I ever wanted badly ... and when I got it it turned to dust in my hand.

-F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and Damned

---